Hello,
The "stache" is no more. It was part of the Insurgency, so I killed it. It was leaking info about me to the terrorists. Things had been very quiet here at the CMOC until the "stache" showed up. All of the sudden we were getting hit all the time. Everyone here was convinced it was an insider. I started with anaylizing everyone. I even had to rough up a few little kids and old women. No one was giving me the info I wanted so I went back to the drawing board. I started studying the photos of all the known terrorists, when the answer came to me. It was like what the five fingers said to the face. "SLAP." All the bad guys had moustaches. I had been infiltrated, compromised, bamboozled even. So I took matters in to my own hands. I locked the "stache" in a room all by itself for about 2 hours. I learned from watching "Hill Street Blues" that if you give the suspect lots to drink and them make the suspect wait a few hours, the punk will give up his own grandmother just for a chance to pee. So that is what I did. Unfortunetly for me, the "stache" didn't drink anything, I on the other hand drank 13 diet cokes, and had to pee like crazy. So once I took care of that I really let the "stache" have a piece of my mind, but the "stache" had obviously been well trained at his al-Queda camp. He didn't even break a sweat. So I tried a little good cop/bad cop on the "stache." Problem was I was the only guy there, so it looked more like a dog chasing his tail. I continued to put the squeeze on, but the "stache" wasn't giving away any details. Well, anyway, by the end of the night, I just decided to get rid of the "stache." I had enough of his mind warfare, and frankly was tired of losing at mind warfare to the "stache." Then in a flash of excitiment, all of which is still kind of hazy to me, the razor just went off, and when I looked the "stache" was just lying on the floor. It was like I was there, but I wasn't. I could see myself doing it, but I don't remember doing it. I made certain to destroy all the evidence and cover my tracks, so don't worry there is no way this can be traced back to me. Well the point of the story is that today, no activity at the CMOC. The rat was ousted. The insider is gone, and we all safe again.
Love,
Rob
